Marty's Movie reviews

Frisky Dingo

2007-09-12T17:01:00.000-07:00

adult swim, for those who don't know is where they show adult orientated cartoons on Cartoon Network. They had a string of hits, but lately it's been kind of hit & miss. Until Frisky Dingo that is. Frisky Dingo was created by the guys who made SeaLab 2021 and has that shows twisted humor, with a bit more of a linear story. The story follows a billionaire named Xander Crews, who also happens to be a superhero named Awesome X and his arch villain Killface. I honestly can not do the hilariousness justice by describing it to you, so I have posted the preview they showed on adult swim.

It really is great and it's only 15 mins long so it's not really a huge investment. With this show in it's second season, The Boondocks and Metalpocalypse coming back adult swim is as good as it's been in a while.

Shoot 'Em Up

2007-09-10T18:58:00.001-07:00

While there are many categories and sub-categories when it comes to porn, the majority can be broken down in to two areas. Porn with a story, which involves a reason why the action is taking place(usually something having to do with not having enough money to pay for pizza), and gonzo, which is no story, just random scenes and no explanation as to how that donkey got into the penthouse apartment(you have your stimuli, I have mine)

Now you might be asking what in the world does this have to do with a Clive Owen movie? Well Shoot 'Em Up is another in a burgeoning line of action movies, like Crank before it, where there is a minimum of story and a maximum of action. Not that this is a bad thing. As far as my movie tastes go this is good rental material, not something I wanna pay for. Needless to say this movie left me unfulfilled.

I think the oddest things about this movie is the cast. In most gonzo action flicks the cast is a name actor who for lack of a better word is "an action guy", the hot girl and then a "that guy" as the villain. This movie on the other hand has Clive Owen, a damn good actor, and Paul Giamatti as the villain. I'll repeat that, Paul Giamatti. Oh and as the hot chick the immensely hot Monica Belluci

I guess I expected more from this movie, which is truthfully my fault because as a definition a gonzo movie isn't something you should expect much from...much like porn.

I can not wait for this movie!

2007-09-04T16:31:00.000-07:00

Note to Hollywood producers, if you want me to watch your movie include some combo of these words.

Nudity
Judd Apatow
Mos Def
From the creators of The State
Featuring the members of Monty Python
Jack Black
Boobs
Bruce Campbell

Using this criteria, Michael Gondry has made a movie that I will wait outside a theater to see. I now present that trailer to you.

Long, long time

2007-09-01T15:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time and I have been both busy & distracted. Now I'm going to list the things that have kept me distracted.

Bioshock
Superbad

Patton's Oswalt's Werewolves & Lollipops
Medal of Honor Demo
Stranglehold Demo
Psych
Burn Notice
Mountain Dew:Game Fuel
Melissa
The Clash
Doug Stanhope coming to F'n CT
...and as always Melissa

Across the Pond

2007-08-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

Well fuckers & fuckettes I am off to Ireland for 10 days. I'll be sure to have a review of all the fun shit I did plus plenty of pictures of my naked ass infront of famous buildings and confused Irish folk. Stay Tuned!

Novus Dae

2007-07-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would kick off actual content week by reviewing a local band I saw last Friday. Now in the interest of full disclosure I will admit I consider myself a friend of one of the band members, but I think all my readers(all five of them) know that I am honest to a fault. Having said that, Novus Dae is hands down the best band in CT. In fact, they are too good to still be in CT playing in bars for no cover. I'm not gonna complain though, 'cause I'm a cheap bastard.

If I had to describe Novus Dae's sound it would be difficult, but I like a challenge. I would say they take the best parts of a number of diverse bands(Linkin Park, Tool, Rage Against the Machine) without those bands faults(Bad Spelling, 30 min long Maynard Masturbatory Sessions, Politics used as a club). Their lyrics are complex but not overly so, the music is spot on and they wrote one of the best commentaries on the modern war I've heard put to music (Sgt Ricketts).

Another thing that sets Novus Dae apart from it's competition is the fact that they play amazing live shows. Ryan Thorne, the lead singer, has a seemingly inexhaustible amount of energy that he transfers to the crowd throughout the show. The intricate guitarwork of Greg Darigis and Ryan Greenier, and solid bass playing of Tony Iris help to back him up. Tim Bojanowski plays the drums like a man possessed to complete the sound.

All in all Novus Dae is head and shoulders above every local band I've ever seen, and blows some national bands I've seen out of the water. The Dae (they really need a nickname) are opening up for Adema this Friday (July 20) I highly recommend stopping by to check them out. You can also check out their site or their
Myspace page for a full update on their tour dates and to pick up the new CD. Well worth it.

Actual Content Week!

2007-07-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time. Sorry about that folks, but things like life, my job, and video games have just gotten in the way. That doesn't matter though because for a week straight I will give you actual content. I will give you spine shattering reviews of this summer's blockbusters, a band too good to still be seeing for no cover and one of the best comedy cd's ever. It will be coming to you from my mind as tranferred through my shite ass computer.

WTF Weekends (why am I even trying?)

2007-06-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

This is Bruce Campbell. I am comfortable enough in my sexuality to say I have a crush on him. I guess you could call it a "mancrush". I would like to thank my pal Joey 6000 Nuts for enlightening me. He once described his feeling towards
Lars Frederiksen of Rancid as his mancrush. I then realized I harbored many a mancrush. Now I'm a heterosexual man, I don't pant over these men, I simply must see or read or listen to everything they do. This just happens to be a dual edged sword. Due to my fascination with these men I have discovered great things I normally would not have. Warren Ellis'Stormwatch, Trey Parker's Cannibal the Musical,Seth Green in Greg the Bunny to name a few. It has also led to me witnessing some terrible things. Seth Green in Be Cool, Joss Whedon's Fray, and the subject of our review today.

I saw this while flicking through the channels and had to watch due to the aforementioned mancrush. The fact that this movie is a Sci-Fi Channel production instantly lowered my expectations, and yet it was still worse then I thought it could be.

The gist of the story is 4 astronauts (Bruce Campbell, Renee O'Connor, of Xena fame, random victim 1, random victim 2) who crash to earth after 40 years of suspended animation. They find an earth decimated and are immediately taken captive by humans. They are then led to a slave camp where they are forced to cut apart wood for their alien captors.

That's right these are your aliens. Apparently the writer of this movie was bitten by a praying mantis as a child and it scarred him for life. Oversized bugs are very rarely scary unless Doogie Howser is involved (Rasczak's Roughnecks) and the actors in this movie do very little to convine me to change my opinion. That might have something to do with the fact that they recruited for this movie from the local drama society or they're just shitty actors. I pray it's the former.

The special effects are what I expected them to be (horrible) but one notable exception was a scene when an alien bites a human's head off. It isn't notable because it was done well, it's notable because the filmakers felt the need to show it 3 separate times. It might be because I'm desensitized to violence but I laughed out loud each time it was shown. Same animation, different actor, still caused me to chuckle.

Alien Apocalypse as a whole was pretty forgettable. Bruce Campbell of course eats up scenery like a starving Rwandan child and Renee O'Conner wasn't completely distracting, also in the final scene she performs more decapitations than Underworld and Underworld Evolution combined. This is a pretty mean feat as anyone who has scene those two movies knows.

Sitting through dreck like this is one of the dangers of having a mancrush on Bruce Campbell, but I don't regret it. One good thing is the next project he is involved in looks pretty damn good. It's called Burn Notice and it premieres on USA on Thursday. The other is I will never run low on things to bitch about on the internet.

Throwback Thursdays: Thor

2007-06-21T19:12:00.001-07:00

This is the comic book that got me into comic books hardcore. I read comics before this but when I borrowed Simonson's run from this creepy kid I knew in middle school I started reading comics religiously. Say what you want about creepy kids but I got more free shit off them 'cause they wanted to be my friend.

Getting back to the matter at hand, Simonson had a very long run on Thor but this is my favorite (#337-#341) It introduces a horse-like alien, Beta Ray Bill, who crashes on earth and meets Thor in battle. He eventually takes advantage of a weakness in Thor's hammer to win. This leads to a battle to the death to determine the hammer's true owner.

The reason this story works so well is it mixes the Norse mythology of Thor's world, and the cosmic stories and science fiction that Marvel can do so well. Oh and Walt Simonson is the balls!

This is a pic of Orion(who's awesomeness I will get to at a later date) As I said...the balls!
I can't recommend reading these stories enough. Lucky for you they are conveniently collected in the first Thor Visionaries. I will eventually own all three. I suggest you do the same.

WTF Weekends (only a day late)

2007-06-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

I'm a day late and also I'm gonna be pulling back from my promise of 3 posts a week. I'm still going to try to stick to that goal, but there will be guaranteed posts on the weekend and Thursdays. I'm gonna try and stick another post in between those two. Look reading every single thing Warren Ellis writes take up a lot of time. OK so now that's out of the way on to the review.
WTF weekends presents The Phantom:
.
"Slam Evil" Wow that is a bad tagline. Anyways "The Phantom" movie was released in '96 when Hollywood was mining old comic strips for movies before they realized comic books are a vital raping ground. I'm still bitter about Constantine.
Seeing as how "The Phantom" has a long history and is beloved around the world this movie can't be that bad right? wrong. If it weren't for Billy Zane, this movie would be unwatchable. The "romantic scenes" between Mr Zane and his co-star Kristy Swanson, "The original Buffy the Vampire Slayer", are about as sexy as a priest and a nun reading the tax code. The villain is played by Treat Williams, and while he makes an effort it falls short, way short. The movie has plenty of "action and laughs", or at least they are advertised. I didn't see any, maybe I fell asleep.

I think I've made it clear that this movie has no place in any discerning movie fan's collection. So why is it here? The nostalgia factor. The fact that things we enjoyed as children are colored for the rest of our lives. Nostalgia is to blame for so many things I've spent money on, from Transformers: The Movie (Starring Orson Welles & Leonard Nimoy), to my copies of Verve Pipe cds. Now most people would defend these decisions saying that they still enjoy these things, but I will be honest with you dear reader. These things are fucking terrible and I know it. Yet like that case of herpes, I can't rid myself of them.

Some old shit.

2007-06-13T19:19:00.000-07:00

I found this while looking for something in my memory and I still remember the conversation, I still don't have an answer so I thought I'd post it here to see if I get any answers.
So I was talking to a friend of mine(who just happens to be black & also female) and she was telling me about how a lesbian co-worker has been hitting on her now that she is newly single. She then remarked that she wasn't gay and she isn't into women unless it was Halle Berry.
That made me stop and think b/c whenever you see a dumb poll asking what woman most women would sleep with, the answer is always Angelina Jolie. So the question I'm pondering is "Is Halle Berry the black version of Jolie when it comes to housewife lesbian fantasy?" and why Angelina Jolie? I understand she is considered the sexiest person but it's almost universal whenever that question is asked. I'm not saying I wouldn't fuck her but I would probably do it with Hackers playing in the background so the anger of having to watch that bullshit would keep me hard for a while.
What the fuck am I talking about? I'm not sure what my point is. It is weird the way people latch onto shit when they hear other peoples reponse to a certain question. I don't find Halle Berry that hot.

Throwback Thursdays: The Critic

2007-06-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

The Critic for those who don't know was a cartoon that briefly aired on ABC and then was Fox's first in a long line of schedule change butt-fuck victims. I really hate FOX. Anyways, The Critic starred the amazing Jon Lovitz as a movie critic named Jay Sherman, who hated everything. As you can tell I could relate. The show was created by former Simpson's writers (when it was still good) and had that shows nature of coming up with great supporting characters such as Jay's rich waspy parents, his crusty chain smoking make-up woman and his country bumpkin network boss. They released both seasons on DVD a couple of years ago and it's definitely worth picking up if only for the movie parodies.

So once again I highly suggest you buy it. Oh and come back sometime this weekend as I struggle to stay on my first deadline. Later

P.S. I know this is Wednesday but tomorrow I have work, free passes to see the Silver Surfer wreck ass and then karaoke. A long day like that and I'm not gonna be down for writing a post. So I cheat, Deal.

It has been a while.

2007-06-13T15:37:00.000-07:00

I am such a lazy mofo. I do apologize but I promise I will start blogging more often. In fact I've come up with a sort of schedule.
Mondays will be Movie Mondays, that's self explanatory
Thursdays will be Throwback Thursdays. I will be reviewing some old school shit.
Weekends will be WTF! weekends. I will review weird shit that I probably shouldn't own.

So that's the schedule . Guaranteed 3 posts a week with some shit in-between. My imaginary fans are besides themselves.

I'm sure you've seen this, but I haven't!

2007-06-04T15:01:00.001-07:00

I truly wish I had seen the movie that this was taken from but I'm pretty sure I can sum up my review in 6 words. Karate Midget Interpol Agent...Fucking Genius. This is also a classic example of how foreign countries don't shun their freaks, they make ridiculous movies starring them.

New reviews

2007-05-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I left work early because I felt shitty, literally. I'm not sure how much I can share with you people but to be succinct, shitty is the precise term for what was going on with me. I felt the best thing was if I laid on the couch watch free movies (there are times I love Comcast)

I started my free movie watching with Dick Tracy. Now if I've seen this movie before I either blocked it out of my head, or it was lost in a weed soaked haze along with algebra lessons and that time I was arrested (look it's on my record, so it happened) I do however remember the cartoon they put out on Fox when I was young and it was so terrible it was awesome. I was hoping for the same with this movie... it was not to be. I managed to make it through about 45 minutes of what is essentially Warren Beatty masturbating on screen, before I became disgusted. The only thing that kept me this dreck was trying to figure out who the kid in the movie was and then when I realized it was the little bastard from Hook it just depressed me more and I turned it off.

I then thought of watching Ten Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead. This movie recently came up in conversation with my friends and when I admitted I never saw it they admonished me and said I was an idiot. After having watched it I can now say "Fuck you assholes"

OK maybe that was a bit strong. For those who have never heard of this movie (which at last count was everyone) Andy Garcia plays a reformed Mobster, who gets called in by Christopher Walken to rough up some kid because he was dating the girl Walken's kid was in love with, and losing the girl caused him to go crazy and start touching little girls. Now I've been dumped a lot and it's never turned me into a pedophile, but bad movies need their plots too. So Garcia gets his old gang together consisting of an old pervert (a fine turn by Christoper Lloyd), a psychotic who may or may not be a shit eater (Treat Williams), a tattooed family man (William Forsythe), and the token black guy (Bill Nunn, who was fucking awesome in The Job) .

Now of course the assignment goes south and then Walken gets pissed and orders a hit on the gang with the exception of Garcia who he tells to leave town, but Garcia refuses to because he's loyal. Now it's not that this is a bad movie per se, but I've seen this formula done a million times and it just didn't work for me. Just like every movie of this genre, everyone has their quirks but they really aren't that interesting. There are some fine acting jobs done here. Garcia is a can't miss, Lloyd as I mentioned does a good job and I actually enjoyed Treat Williams, but Walken phoned this one in from across the country and Forsythe was just there, also Jack Warden of Dirty Work fame is supposedly the narrator but it's kinda clumsy and seems thrown in, which is an injustice to Mr Warden, who frequently rocks out with his cock out... or did. Is he dead? Whatever.

As I said it's not a terrible movie it's just not a good movie, the plot gets lost in itself in the last act and Steve Buscemi shows up out of nowhere in a desperate attempt to save it but loses it in the ninth (I'm sorry I suck at metaphors). I guess if you have two hours to kill 'cause you're wife is giving birth or you're waiting for something good to come on you can watch it but I wouldn't recommend it. Watch Dirty Work instead.

Finally the third movie I decided to watch was the Disney remake of the Three Musketeers. Holy shit is this movie awful. This one time I went to the dentist to get a wisdom tooth removed. So they knock me out and I woke up and my pants were undone. That was the most violated I ever felt until I watched this dung heap. There are so many sins in this movie I lost count. Whether it was the terribleness of Kiefer Sutherland never changing his expression, or the non acting of Charlie Sheen, or the ridiculous hair on Chris O'Donnell, or the fact that Rebecca DeMornay was cast for a role in which no nudity was scripted.

This movie is just bad all around. It is so bad that the combined powers of Oliver Platt and Tim Curry can't save it. Oliver Platt alone made Ready to Rumble watchable and Tim Curry is a god (literally, watch Legend) This movie even has Guy of Gisborne in it and I still hated it. I mean when your movie is counting on selling itself on the spoiled son/actors of good actors and a song composed and performed by the likes of Rod Stewart (past his prime), Sting (after The Police) and Bryan Adams (who never had a prime) you are asking to suck, but this movie takes it to new levels.

So that is how I spent my morning off from work, I'm surprised I didn't become more sick.

P.S. I totally didn't realize till I was preparing this post but Gabrielle Anwar was in both Denver and Three Musketeers. She was pretty damn hot in both those movies. What happened to her? Did the coke monster get her? Post your theories as to where she ended up.

Sorry for the break.

2007-05-26T16:11:00.000-07:00

I do apologize for not posting, but I do have a good excuse. The Halo 3 beta was released and I'm obsessed with getting my ranking up. It's only a multiplayer release, but it's absolutely gorgeous and a hell of a lot of fun, If you don't have a 360 or own a Wii or PS3 and that's it, you are an idiot. Sorry to be so mean but it's about time some one was blunt. That having been said, get over it, trade in your current console and pick up a 360 and Crackdown now. You'll be glad you did. Now back to the killing.

The best sitcom in the 90's

2007-05-20T11:34:00.001-07:00

That's a heady title but one I think Newsradio definitely deserves. I even have Michael Ian Black's support on this (he said so on VH1's I love the 90's). Anyways the point about this is I just picked up season 5 on DVD and thought I'd give a quick review. This is the final season and also the season after Phil Hartman's crazy ass wife decided to kill him. Stupid bitch. Most shows after losing a main character would fall apart, but this show persevered and had some of their best eps in this season. If you've never seen Newsradio before I highly recommend checking out the re-runs on TBS at noon every day. If you're at work DVR it...and if you don't have a DVR get out of the stone age. Oh and if your one of those asshole who insists on calling it TiVO, fuck you, you brand name automaton. Sorry I got unleashed there. Oh and welcome to my one reader Mr Gone 333, keep posting and maybe we can debate. I get bored easily.
P.S. and no it was not the critic.

My First Post

2007-05-17T19:23:00.000-07:00

So I'd thought for my first post I'd introduce myself, and my motivations. I use to do something a little like this and I stopped and now I find myself a little stir crazy. So I thought I would write something, and the best I can do is a free blog. Anyways I thought I would talk a bit about what I've been into this week and then post some reviews... It looks like comic books for now, but I'll get to movies eventually. Oh and post a comment if you know the inspiration for the site's title.

So I just spent a lot of money at my local comic book shop, (Richie's Comic Cabana in Waterbury, CT. Tell Eric I sent you) but it was totally worth it. Here's a short rundown of what I bought.

Ultimate X-Men Trade #16: Cable- W: Robert Kirkman A: Yanick Paquette, Ben Oliver

You know I haven't even read this yet, and it's not b/c of the quality of the book or anything, it's just it was outshone (outshined? Damn Chris Cornell) by everything else I bought. Kirkman is a really good writer, his run so far has been decent & if you get a chance pick up The Walking Dead. It's keen. Also complete side note, but the trade features a Michael Turner cover. Am I the only geek out there who hates him. Worst move Marvel ever made. Other than Civil War.

JSA Trade #3: The Return of Hawkman- W: David S Goyer, Geoff Johns A: A shitload

Still catching up on shit that passed me by when I was in my comics are a waste of money I would much rather spend on women and pot. Such a stupid phase. I've always loved the old DC characters, especially the Justice Society of America series done by Len Strazewski and Mike Parobeck. Such a good artist. Anyways this was a pretty good story to help streamline Hawkman's complicated continuity, plus Wildcat's in it and that's always cool.

Transmetropolitan Trade #7: Spider's Thrash- W: Warren Ellis A: Darick Robertson

As I post more and more you dear reader will find I get a complete hard-on when it comes to certain writers. Ellis is one of them and Transmet is one of those things that can be described as a pure vision.

Powers Definitive Hardcore Collection #1- W: Brian Michael Bendis A: Micheal Avon Oeming

The theme this week seems to be catching up. Heard so much about this series and I love Bendis' run on Daredevil and Ultimate Spider-Man as well as Oeming's art style. The concept of a crime book based in a city populated with super heroes isn't exactly new, but the mixing of film noir moments with superhuman elements work so well.

Runaways Hardcover #3- W: Brian K Vaughn A: Adrian Alphona, Mike Norton

Runaways is a great series that works so well at carving a little niche into the Marvel Universe. The concept could have been one that burned out after the first couple of arcs, but Vaughn has been able to keep it going and with Joss Whedon taking over I don't see it's quality slipping.

Last and most certainly not least

All Star Superman Trade #1- W: Grant Morrison A: Frank Quitely

I've never been a huge fan of Superman, but Morrison and Quitely work so well together and Morrison is another writer who I try and pick up anything he does. I am so glad I did. This book is amazing and I can't stop reading it. It's an example of what happens when a writer has waited his entire career to write something and finally does. To paraphrase the introduction, pure magic.

So that's my first post. Wow that's a long one...I doubt they will all be like this, but it's a good start.