WTF Weekends (why am I even trying?)

This is Bruce Campbell. I am comfortable enough in my sexuality to say I have a crush on him. I guess you could call it a "mancrush". I would like to thank my pal Joey 6000 Nuts for enlightening me. He once described his feeling towards
Lars Frederiksen of Rancid as his mancrush. I then realized I harbored many a mancrush. Now I'm a heterosexual man, I don't pant over these men, I simply must see or read or listen to everything they do. This just happens to be a dual edged sword. Due to my fascination with these men I have discovered great things I normally would not have. Warren Ellis'Stormwatch, Trey Parker's Cannibal the Musical,Seth Green in Greg the Bunny to name a few. It has also led to me witnessing some terrible things. Seth Green in Be Cool, Joss Whedon's Fray, and the subject of our review today.



I saw this while flicking through the channels and had to watch due to the aforementioned mancrush. The fact that this movie is a Sci-Fi Channel production instantly lowered my expectations, and yet it was still worse then I thought it could be.

The gist of the story is 4 astronauts (Bruce Campbell, Renee O'Connor, of Xena fame, random victim 1, random victim 2) who crash to earth after 40 years of suspended animation. They find an earth decimated and are immediately taken captive by humans. They are then led to a slave camp where they are forced to cut apart wood for their alien captors.



That's right these are your aliens. Apparently the writer of this movie was bitten by a praying mantis as a child and it scarred him for life. Oversized bugs are very rarely scary unless Doogie Howser is involved (Rasczak's Roughnecks) and the actors in this movie do very little to convine me to change my opinion. That might have something to do with the fact that they recruited for this movie from the local drama society or they're just shitty actors. I pray it's the former.

The special effects are what I expected them to be (horrible) but one notable exception was a scene when an alien bites a human's head off. It isn't notable because it was done well, it's notable because the filmakers felt the need to show it 3 separate times. It might be because I'm desensitized to violence but I laughed out loud each time it was shown. Same animation, different actor, still caused me to chuckle.

Alien Apocalypse as a whole was pretty forgettable. Bruce Campbell of course eats up scenery like a starving Rwandan child and Renee O'Conner wasn't completely distracting, also in the final scene she performs more decapitations than Underworld and Underworld Evolution combined. This is a pretty mean feat as anyone who has scene those two movies knows.

Sitting through dreck like this is one of the dangers of having a mancrush on Bruce Campbell, but I don't regret it. One good thing is the next project he is involved in looks pretty damn good. It's called Burn Notice and it premieres on USA on Thursday. The other is I will never run low on things to bitch about on the internet.