New reviews

So yesterday I left work early because I felt shitty, literally. I'm not sure how much I can share with you people but to be succinct, shitty is the precise term for what was going on with me. I felt the best thing was if I laid on the couch watch free movies (there are times I love Comcast)

I started my free movie watching with Dick Tracy. Now if I've seen this movie before I either blocked it out of my head, or it was lost in a weed soaked haze along with algebra lessons and that time I was arrested (look it's on my record, so it happened) I do however remember the cartoon they put out on Fox when I was young and it was so terrible it was awesome. I was hoping for the same with this movie... it was not to be. I managed to make it through about 45 minutes of what is essentially Warren Beatty masturbating on screen, before I became disgusted. The only thing that kept me this dreck was trying to figure out who the kid in the movie was and then when I realized it was the little bastard from Hook it just depressed me more and I turned it off.

I then thought of watching Ten Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead. This movie recently came up in conversation with my friends and when I admitted I never saw it they admonished me and said I was an idiot. After having watched it I can now say "Fuck you assholes"

OK maybe that was a bit strong. For those who have never heard of this movie (which at last count was everyone) Andy Garcia plays a reformed Mobster, who gets called in by Christopher Walken to rough up some kid because he was dating the girl Walken's kid was in love with, and losing the girl caused him to go crazy and start touching little girls. Now I've been dumped a lot and it's never turned me into a pedophile, but bad movies need their plots too. So Garcia gets his old gang together consisting of an old pervert (a fine turn by Christoper Lloyd), a psychotic who may or may not be a shit eater (Treat Williams), a tattooed family man (William Forsythe), and the token black guy (Bill Nunn, who was fucking awesome in The Job) .

Now of course the assignment goes south and then Walken gets pissed and orders a hit on the gang with the exception of Garcia who he tells to leave town, but Garcia refuses to because he's loyal. Now it's not that this is a bad movie per se, but I've seen this formula done a million times and it just didn't work for me. Just like every movie of this genre, everyone has their quirks but they really aren't that interesting. There are some fine acting jobs done here. Garcia is a can't miss, Lloyd as I mentioned does a good job and I actually enjoyed Treat Williams, but Walken phoned this one in from across the country and Forsythe was just there, also Jack Warden of Dirty Work fame is supposedly the narrator but it's kinda clumsy and seems thrown in, which is an injustice to Mr Warden, who frequently rocks out with his cock out... or did. Is he dead? Whatever.

As I said it's not a terrible movie it's just not a good movie, the plot gets lost in itself in the last act and Steve Buscemi shows up out of nowhere in a desperate attempt to save it but loses it in the ninth (I'm sorry I suck at metaphors). I guess if you have two hours to kill 'cause you're wife is giving birth or you're waiting for something good to come on you can watch it but I wouldn't recommend it. Watch Dirty Work instead.

Finally the third movie I decided to watch was the Disney remake of the Three Musketeers. Holy shit is this movie awful. This one time I went to the dentist to get a wisdom tooth removed. So they knock me out and I woke up and my pants were undone. That was the most violated I ever felt until I watched this dung heap. There are so many sins in this movie I lost count. Whether it was the terribleness of Kiefer Sutherland never changing his expression, or the non acting of Charlie Sheen, or the ridiculous hair on Chris O'Donnell, or the fact that Rebecca DeMornay was cast for a role in which no nudity was scripted.

This movie is just bad all around. It is so bad that the combined powers of Oliver Platt and Tim Curry can't save it. Oliver Platt alone made Ready to Rumble watchable and Tim Curry is a god (literally, watch Legend) This movie even has Guy of Gisborne in it and I still hated it. I mean when your movie is counting on selling itself on the spoiled son/actors of good actors and a song composed and performed by the likes of Rod Stewart (past his prime), Sting (after The Police) and Bryan Adams (who never had a prime) you are asking to suck, but this movie takes it to new levels.

So that is how I spent my morning off from work, I'm surprised I didn't become more sick.

P.S. I totally didn't realize till I was preparing this post but Gabrielle Anwar was in both Denver and Three Musketeers. She was pretty damn hot in both those movies. What happened to her? Did the coke monster get her? Post your theories as to where she ended up.

Sorry for the break.

I do apologize for not posting, but I do have a good excuse. The Halo 3 beta was released and I'm obsessed with getting my ranking up. It's only a multiplayer release, but it's absolutely gorgeous and a hell of a lot of fun, If you don't have a 360 or own a Wii or PS3 and that's it, you are an idiot. Sorry to be so mean but it's about time some one was blunt. That having been said, get over it, trade in your current console and pick up a 360 and Crackdown now. You'll be glad you did. Now back to the killing.

The best sitcom in the 90's

That's a heady title but one I think Newsradio definitely deserves. I even have Michael Ian Black's support on this (he said so on VH1's I love the 90's). Anyways the point about this is I just picked up season 5 on DVD and thought I'd give a quick review. This is the final season and also the season after Phil Hartman's crazy ass wife decided to kill him. Stupid bitch. Most shows after losing a main character would fall apart, but this show persevered and had some of their best eps in this season. If you've never seen Newsradio before I highly recommend checking out the re-runs on TBS at noon every day. If you're at work DVR it...and if you don't have a DVR get out of the stone age. Oh and if your one of those asshole who insists on calling it TiVO, fuck you, you brand name automaton. Sorry I got unleashed there. Oh and welcome to my one reader Mr Gone 333, keep posting and maybe we can debate. I get bored easily.
P.S. and no it was not the critic.

My First Post

So I'd thought for my first post I'd introduce myself, and my motivations. I use to do something a little like this and I stopped and now I find myself a little stir crazy. So I thought I would write something, and the best I can do is a free blog. Anyways I thought I would talk a bit about what I've been into this week and then post some reviews... It looks like comic books for now, but I'll get to movies eventually. Oh and post a comment if you know the inspiration for the site's title.

So I just spent a lot of money at my local comic book shop, (Richie's Comic Cabana in Waterbury, CT. Tell Eric I sent you) but it was totally worth it. Here's a short rundown of what I bought.

Ultimate X-Men Trade #16: Cable- W: Robert Kirkman A: Yanick Paquette, Ben Oliver

You know I haven't even read this yet, and it's not b/c of the quality of the book or anything, it's just it was outshone (outshined? Damn Chris Cornell) by everything else I bought. Kirkman is a really good writer, his run so far has been decent & if you get a chance pick up The Walking Dead. It's keen. Also complete side note, but the trade features a Michael Turner cover. Am I the only geek out there who hates him. Worst move Marvel ever made. Other than Civil War.

JSA Trade #3: The Return of Hawkman- W: David S Goyer, Geoff Johns A: A shitload

Still catching up on shit that passed me by when I was in my comics are a waste of money I would much rather spend on women and pot. Such a stupid phase. I've always loved the old DC characters, especially the Justice Society of America series done by Len Strazewski and Mike Parobeck. Such a good artist. Anyways this was a pretty good story to help streamline Hawkman's complicated continuity, plus Wildcat's in it and that's always cool.

Transmetropolitan Trade #7: Spider's Thrash- W: Warren Ellis A: Darick Robertson

As I post more and more you dear reader will find I get a complete hard-on when it comes to certain writers. Ellis is one of them and Transmet is one of those things that can be described as a pure vision.

Powers Definitive Hardcore Collection #1- W: Brian Michael Bendis A: Micheal Avon Oeming

The theme this week seems to be catching up. Heard so much about this series and I love Bendis' run on Daredevil and Ultimate Spider-Man as well as Oeming's art style. The concept of a crime book based in a city populated with super heroes isn't exactly new, but the mixing of film noir moments with superhuman elements work so well.

Runaways Hardcover #3- W: Brian K Vaughn A: Adrian Alphona, Mike Norton

Runaways is a great series that works so well at carving a little niche into the Marvel Universe. The concept could have been one that burned out after the first couple of arcs, but Vaughn has been able to keep it going and with Joss Whedon taking over I don't see it's quality slipping.

Last and most certainly not least

All Star Superman Trade #1- W: Grant Morrison A: Frank Quitely

I've never been a huge fan of Superman, but Morrison and Quitely work so well together and Morrison is another writer who I try and pick up anything he does. I am so glad I did. This book is amazing and I can't stop reading it. It's an example of what happens when a writer has waited his entire career to write something and finally does. To paraphrase the introduction, pure magic.

So that's my first post. Wow that's a long one...I doubt they will all be like this, but it's a good start.